


Kurt and Blaine and the Box of 100 Condoms

by notarelationship (justpracticing)



Category: Glee
Genre: Bad Boy Blaine, M/M, Retail Kurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 14:59:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11603025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justpracticing/pseuds/notarelationship
Summary: Blaine loses a bet. Kurt thinks he's adorable.





	Kurt and Blaine and the Box of 100 Condoms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spaceorphan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceorphan/gifts).



> Written for SpaceOrphan18's birthday shebang on tumblr. (sorry I'm just getting it to AO3 now!)
> 
> Rated T for swearing and discussion of condoms, but it's a soft T.

“Seriously?”

“You lost Anderson. Get in there and do what you gotta do.”

Blaine sighed. His friends were assholes.

They had been chasing squirrels in the cemetery and had gotten bored, so they all decided it’d be funny to shotgun beers. The loser had to take on whatever dare the winners could come up with.

Blaine always won, he could suck a can empty while everyone else was still trying to figure out where to put their mouth, but not this time. They must have been practicing - or cheating - and Blaine was left holding the bag this time.

Well, not the bag exactly. There had to be some way out of this. "Are you sure they even carry a box of that many?“

"I already checked,” Jesse said. “When I went in to buy smokes. They’re in the back by the pharmacy desk.”

Fuck. Kurt Hummel worked in the pharmacy. Blaine pulled on the cigarette he had in his hand. He couldn’t chicken out, but the last thing he wanted was for Kurt to catch him doing this. Maybe he wouldn’t be there tonight.

“Yeah, we wanted to make sure you had to buy them from Hummel.” Puck snorted and slapped Blaine on the back. “Since you’re too much of a chicken to just tell him you like him.”

“Fuck off, I do - not,” Blaine sputtered. He had never said a word about his crush on Kurt Hummel, school braniac, for just this reason. He didn’t need his asshole friends doing anything stupid. Like this.

“Blaine,” Jesse said, putting his arm around Blaine’s shoulders. “For two years now the only time you ever go to class is if it’s a class Hummel is in.”

“What? I don’t even -” Blaine was flailing. He’d always thought his friends were too stupid to notice. Of course they would notice anything they might be able to use as ammunition against him. His friends were assholes. He jerked himself out from under Jesse’s arm. “Fine.”

Blaine shrugged his leather jacket tighter over his shoulders, zipping it halfway. He was a badass delinquent. He could do this stupid dare.

Adopting his usual pissed-at-the-world swagger, Blaine sauntered through the automatic doors as they opened in front of him. There weren’t too many people in the drugstore, so he should be able to get in and out with only a minimum of attention, or too much time spent staring at Kurt. He could do this.

Blaine wandered to the back where they kept the condoms on display, and his eyes went wide. “Fuck,” he cursed under his breath. The condoms had been moved from a shelf just below the registers to a larger shelf a few feet away that was locked. You could purchase single packs and three packs, but in order to buy packs of five or anything larger you had to get the staff to unlock the case. Blaine had to buy something larger. “ _Fuck_.” He cursed the conservative mentality of central Ohio.

Blaine walked around the store once, poking at pencils and deodorant, careful not to attract too much attention. At that late hour he could just as easily be nabbed for shoplifting, although he didn’t think he had even been arrested at that particular store before. Some people just didn’t like leather jacketed teens.

By the time he was back in the pharmacy section, the other customers had checked out, and Kurt was getting ready to pull the gate over the registers. Blaine stared for a few minutes before clearing his throat to get Kurt’s attention.

“Can I help you?” Kurt turned to face him, and Blaine could see recognition appear on Kurt’s face as he relaxed. “Oh. Hi Blaine.”

“Hummel.”

Kurt looked at him, confused. “Did you need something?”

Blaine huffed. This sucked. “I need to get something out of the cabinet.” He watched Kurt look to where he was pointing and then roll his eyes.

“Oh god, Blaine, they’re just condoms.” Kurt dangled the keys from a chain hooked to his uniform belt. “What do you need?”

Blaine looked at the display. He still had time, he could back out now and Kurt wouldn’t think he was some kind of sex freak, or worse. He could just get the pack of glow in the dark ones and leave. Then Kurt would just think he was a delinquent that practiced safe sex. Which was of course a lie because Blaine didn’t practice any sex. At least not yet. Maybe when he got the fuck out of Ohio.

But Blaine Anderson was no chicken. Blaine rubbed his hand over his face and mumbled. “U’ nuff the bug hudder.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes, obviously not comprehending at all. “Huh?”

Blaine cursed quietly, staring at the ceiling for a moment to gather his nerve. “I need the box of one hundred,” he whispered.

Then he had to stand there while Kurt’s mouth fell open and he looked Blaine up and down for what felt like days.

“A hundred condoms?”

He was going to kill Puck and Jesse.

“I just like to practice safe sex,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You can never be too prepared.” He hoped he was radiating the same aggravated indifference he managed at school, but somehow Kurt didn’t seem very impressed.

Kurt looked at him for a few more seconds, then seemed to decide that he didn’t care enough to pursue it any further, and retrieved the Trojan Super Value Pleasure Pack from the cabinet.

“And the glow in the dark ones, too,” Blaine said before Kurt could lock the cabinet. Kurt just shook his head and plucked a smaller box off the rack.

“Are you afraid your girlfriend won’t be able to find it in the dark?” Kurt asked, as he walked around to the back of the counter to ring Blaine up.

 

“What? No!” Kurt was smirking, and Blaine was starting to get indignant. “I don’t, I don’t have a girlfriend.” Kurt almost looked like he wanted to ask who Blaine was going to be using all those condoms with, but he seemed to think better of it.

“That’ll be $34.16.”

Blaine was almost more embarrassed by the look Kurt gave him when he pulled crumpled bills out of his pocket to pay for the condoms, so he smoothed them out on the counter before handing them to Kurt.

“Thanks,” Blaine said, when Kurt handed him his change and his bag of condoms. “See you in class.” 

Kurt frowned at him. “Yeah,” Kurt said.

When Blaine glanced over his shoulder as he exited the store, Kurt was still watching him walk away.

–

When Kurt sat down in his English class Monday morning, he looked everywhere for Blaine. He knew Blaine only showed up for class now and then, and that he usually hung out in the cemetery with Puck and Jesse, smoking and generally wasting time, but the more he thought about Blaine buying so many condoms, the more worried he got. Especially when he said he didn’t have a girlfriend.

Over the weekend he had made a few phone calls, and Santana had ridiculed him thoroughly for not knowing that Blaine was gay. Unfortunately he could only think of one thing a pretty, gay, teenager would need a hundred condoms for, and it wasn’t something Kurt wanted to think about.

So when he didn’t see Blaine at all in the morning, Kurt went out to the parking lot at lunch to see if Blaine’s motorcycle was out there. Conveniently, Blaine was pulling into a spot next to Kurt’s Navigator just as Kurt reached his car. Kurt stood and waited for Blaine to shut off his bike.

Blaine looked really unhappy to see him. “S’up Hummel,” he said, not looking at him, but lighting up a cigarette before swinging his leg over so he was leaning on his motorcycle.

“Blaine.” Kurt wasn’t entirely sure this was any of his business, but he felt like he should at least say something to Blaine, in case he wanted help and couldn’t ask for it. “I know we don’t know each other at all, but if you need help, I’m willing to help you.”

Blaine scrunched up his face in confusion. Kurt had never noticed how completely adorable that was before. _Focus Kurt_.

“Help with what? I’m not failing any classes.”

Kurt shook his head. “No, that’s not - you bought a lot of condoms Blaine. More than an average teenager would use in, well, in a very long time.” Blaine snorted. “Look, if you need a job, I could ask my dad. If you actually know anything about motorcycles I’m sure he could find you some work. You don’t have to -”

“What? If I need a job?” Blaine was looking at Kurt like he was speaking a foreign language. “Why would I need a job? My parents are rich.” He took a long drag from his cigarette.

“So you’re not having sex for money?” Kurt asked.

Blaine’s mouth dropped open. “Excuse me? I’m not having what for what?”

Kurt bit his lip, frowning. “I’ve never actually sold a box of one hundred condoms to anyone before. I was afraid you might, well, you might be exchanging sex for money.” Kurt lowered his voice to almost a whisper as he ended that sentence.

“ _You thought I was a prostitute?_ ” Blaine burst out laughing. “Oh my god, that’s too funny!”

“It’s not that funny.”

“No, Kurt, I appreciate your concern for little old me, but it’s funny.” Blaine was holding his stomach. “It’s especially funny since I’ve never actually had sex with anyone before.”

“You’re a virgin?” Kurt was taken aback. “So why did you buy so many -”

“Asshole friends. I lost a bet, and Puck and Jesse thought it would be funny to make me buy condoms from you, because, well -” Blaine looked away from Kurt’s face as he took another drag from his cigarette. “Because I kind of have a crush on you.”

It was Kurt’s turn to say what. “What?”

Blaine shrugged, looking at the pavement. “Yeah, for like the past two years.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? Jeez, Blaine, I didn’t even know you were gay until two days ago.”

Blaine huffed a laugh, but this was less amused than earlier. “I don’t know. I mean, why would you want to go out with me? I’m kind of a mess.”

Kurt hugged himself. “We’re all kind of a mess, Blaine. And you’re a cute mess. If I had known I’d have asked you out before.”

“Really?” Blaine said, a cheeky challenge in his tone.

Kurt nodded. “So what do you say? Lima Bean? Breadstix? Parking lot behind the old abandoned furniture factory?”

Blaine grinned. “Sure. Any of that sounds good to me.”

“One thing though.” Kurt waved a finger at Blaine’s cigarette. “You’re going to have to quit those.”

“Really,” Blaine sassed, but he exhaled and tossed the unfinished cigarette on the ground anyway.

“Definitely.” Kurt took a step closer. “I can think of a lot of other, better things you can do with your mouth,” Kurt whispered across Blaine’s lips.

“ _Uhh_.”

“And Blaine?”

“Uhh huh?” Blaine was crossed eyed now, staring down at Kurt’s mouth.

“You won’t need a glow in the dark condom to figure it out.”


End file.
